yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
tell your sister to shave her snatch
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
