I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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