im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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