Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

wrong number but thanks

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(301): View more from Maryland

he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night

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(541): View more from Oregon

Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live

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(818): View more from California

his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.

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