sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
