even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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