Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Who died my cat blue again?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
