I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
