found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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