The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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