Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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