What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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