Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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