I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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