It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
