actually, I'm a sock model
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
this is an emotional support booty call
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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