I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
