yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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