now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
