Can i not drive my cunt home
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
