Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize