Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
