I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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