I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
