Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
