I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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