i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
