dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
