I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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