well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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