Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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