I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
