He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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