I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize