woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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