I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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