Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
