She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
