I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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