Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
