tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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