I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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