i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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