I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
