I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
