i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
