you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
