A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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