I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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