Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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