I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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