Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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