peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
