I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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