yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
