...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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