come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
