He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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